Please Move On First

I once dated a guy that was full of insecurity.  Although I wasn't the most confident person, but I had never seen anyone so insecure as him.  He always assumed that I was cheating on him, if I didn't take his calls, regardless where and when it was.  He didn't care that I might have been busy at work, on the phone with a client, dealing with a client in person, or had gone to the bathroom.  If he called me and I wasn't available, he automatically assumed the worst.  We got in numerous verbal fights over the phone while I was work, to the point that my boss asked me to not take personal calls during work hours, for it was affecting my work performance.  He was understanding but firm about it.  I was honestly quite grateful that he said so, because I then had perfect reason to give to that ex about not calling or paging me during work hours.



It was worse in the evenings.  Back then (this happened when I was in my early 20's) I had an answering machine that use one of those little tapes that required time to rewind, even if the caller didn't leave a message.  I had the habit of screening my calls so I didn't always answer my phone.  When his call got picked up by the machine, he would hang up and call back right away, while the tape was still rewinding, during which the machine would not pick up the call.  So the phone would just ring and ring indefinitely, or until I picked up.  It got very irritating very fast.  Needless to say, we broke up.

He explained to me that he was insecure because a previous girlfriend had cheated on him during work hours.  I understood where he was coming from, but at the same time felt very insulted.  I was clearly a different person, and how dare him compare me to his ex?  At first I tried to be forgiving, but after having to comfort him and prove to him that I wasn't cheating, I was sick and tired of the whole thing. 

Honestly, people, if you have any unresolved issues from a previous relationship, DON'T jump into another one.  It is not, and I repeat, NOT fair to the new person you decide to date.  Everyone is different, and just because you were hurt before, it doesn't mean that the new boy/girlfriend will do the same thing to you.  And if you are that insecure, no matter what your boy/girlfriend does, please work things out with yourself first.  If there is no trust in the relationship due to your insecurity (you may not admit it), what the heck is the point of having the relationship then?

I'm writing this from experience; now, I had issues, and trust me, LOTS of issues after my last relationship.  I knew better so although I had flings here and there, I made sure to not commit to any relationships.  Then at one point, I stopped seeing anyone altogether, to give myself time to heal, to deal with internal issues, and to really know who I was and what I wanted.

Months later, I one day knew that I was ready to move on.  I began to trust again, and believed in love again.  Only then I started to look for a new relationship.